turned hetero
1:54 a.m. || Friday, Dec. 06, 2002
i had a dream i was in a big room with my family. my boyfriend [nonexistent] was there, too, but they didn't know it. all of a sudden, there's an image of him and me. i'm on his shoulders and he's jumping? god knows why. but it's not normal jumping. he's jumping like a kangaroo or something.
and to see the shocked looks on my family's faces! and pleased. strangely. very pleased.
i was mad at him for letting the secret out. i left and went into this very dark hall. i was standing there when he came out and he backed me up against a wall and kissed me. i remember thinking i really didn't want anything to do with a man, but what the hell.
analyzing all of that this afternoon made me think that he symbolized some part of myself. not really a man. because i haven't been truly attracted to any man for...a long time.
so i don't know. i'm left confused.
one amusing thing, however: i woke up laughing thinking, Oh Hell, you've turned me straight! I must be the first.
C