Come pick me up, take me out, fuck me up, steal my records...
7:06 p.m. || Tuesday, May. 13, 2003
i feel alone some days, and it's hard. i miss things that i can't even put a finger on. i like my new friends and my new life. so why do i want to be fucked up and fucked over like i used to be? who knows.
the amount of sexism i put up with, or rather don't put up with, here is astronomical. i hate most of the men i have met, which is too bad because i miss having guy friends to talk to. there have been a few though, and i should just be happy i ever connect with anyone at all. it's not easy.
i bought ryan adam's heartbreaker [hope the title is right] and i can't stop singing [to the dismay of everyone around me] "Come pick me up, take me out, fuck me up, steal my records. Screw all my friends, they're all full of shit, with a smile on your face and then do it again. I wish you would..."
And it feels good to listen to it in my room at night, and feel like, even if sometimes I wish I could go back, I can't...and so I'll have to move forward. I want. I want to be smarter and funnier and I want respect from others. I want to be taken seriously by both men and women. I want to be competent enough to help people.
I want years behind me, and I want change. I want letters from friends and others that I love. I want so many things that right now seem too hard. I miss my family, I miss Erin,I miss Ang, I miss Sara, I miss [and wish I didn't] so many others.
"It's been so long since I've seen the ocean, I guess I should..."
C